Pregnant
July 8th, 2010

Woohoo….I’m pregnant! This is the best news ever for us…

We first discovered we were pregnant on Mother’s day, 9 May 2010. We did the 1st test using Clear Blue and it was “pregnant”.

Hubby and I got so excited but tried to contained the excitement. He suggested we get another cheapo test kit from 99cent store to see if it’s also positive. So we bought it and did another test on 10 May 2010, and came out 2 strong stripes. The most beautiful stripes ever!

Then on 12 May 2010 I went to Pregnancy Clinic to get another confirmation and true enough it was another positive result. Boy oh boy..I was so happy.

I first saw my baby on 27 May, that time I was already 8 weeks. We could see the SAC and the baby. The most beautiful picture ever.

We also had another USG on 22 June 2010, that time I was 12 weeks and this time we could hear the baby’s heart beat. Badabum..badabum…a beautiful thunder noise. We could see the shape of baby’s head, the hands protruding out like asking to be carry, the back, the butt, the leg, the fingers and doc said he could see the eyes, nose and mouth too.

I’m 14 weeks now. Can’t wait for 16 weeks where I’m gonna have another doc appointment.

I’m so blessed and thankful that so far my pregnancy has been very good and smooth. My baby is very very good. I don’t have morning sickness, not extreme food aversion (only don’t like cow’s milk, fruits and veggies), don’t have food cravings, etc.

All I had is frequent urination and fatigue. In my 1st 3 months, I didn’t eat good nutrition though. I mostly eat carbs as I don’t want to eat healthy stuff.

Thankfully ever since I’ve passed my 12 weeks mark, I’ve started liking fruits and veggies again. The bad thing is…I’m now always hungry every 2-3 hours and I like to eat rice. However, I’m only eating small amount of rice, like 1/2 of the rice spoon. I hope I wont get gestational diabetes.

Shall upload the USG pic soon when I’m not lazy.

I’m always lazy and get tired easily though. All I want is sleep and eat. However, since I’m already in my 2nd tri-sem, I cant wait to start exercising again. I’m gonna do prenatal yoga/pilate, evening walk and swimming.

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Are you Happy?
March 24th, 2010

So what do you think a happiness is?

Are you Happy?

Based on my last blog, according to Bhante Kolitha’s Dhammadesana, he mentioned that Happiness is more permanent compared to pleasure.

Now..for me…Happy and Happiness are 2 different thing.

I’d say….the HAPPY thing changes all the time. It comes and goes just like pleasure.

For e.g. When someone fell in love, s/he is happy. But when they argue with the boyfriend/girlfriend, then s/he is not happy anymore. But once they make-up again, again s/he is happy.

Now..for me….I’m in Happiness state of mind, body and position in my life. I’ve found my happiness in my husband. He has given me this peaceful, ever-glowing happiness from me. Oh yeah…we do argue sometimes. Sometimes he made something that I find it sooo annoying…sometimes I’m the one at fault. When that happen, I wasn’t happy at that moment, but I’m STILL at this Happiness state of feeling deep in me.

I guess, with my happiness state of mind/feeling in me, I always find those little argument I had with hubby (those unhappy little moments) are nothing compared to the BIG Happiness feeling I’m experiencing.

You understand what I’m trying to say here? oh well…I guess i’m just too free to write such non-sense eh???!! hahahaha

Nevertheless, I’m greatful for hubby being my husband and so patient and caring on me. I truly love you…

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Dhammadesana from Bhante Kolitha – 28 February 2010
March 11th, 2010

Here’s another Dhamma talk from another wonderful monk, named Bhante Panditha Ambalantota Kolitha Thero.

I’ve always enjoyed listening to his dhammadesana, although it’s bit hard to understand due to his English. Nevertheless, I like his wisdom, knowledge, patient, understanding and dhammadesana. So I hope you all enjoy it too.

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Topic = How Our Mind Works

Differences between happiness and pleasure?

Pleasure
- It’s only temporary.
- You can get through enjoyment / by enjoying your senses (eyes, ear, nose, tongue and body)
- For e.g. if you are hungry, you can get some tasty food. Then you become full/pleasured after eating the good food. But at night time you will become hungry again and want to eat something else again.

Happiness
- It’s called a state of mind. It’s more permanent.
- For e.g. after open temple, listen to Dhamma, offering food to monks, you will get happiness and it will stay until your last breath.
- With it, on your last breath, you can remember all these happiness you have attained (listened to Dhamma, practicing Dhamma, the 5 sila). So on your last breath, when you remember all that, you will be happy.

In this topic, Bhante was referring to one of the Gatha (verse, hymn, scripture, or poem) that Buddha delivered ” Dunniggahassa lahuno yatthakamanipatino, cittassa damatho sadhu, cittarh dantarh sukhavaham (cf. Jataka, I, pp. 312, 400)”.

Dunniggahassa – it is very difficult to control
lahuno – Citta (mind) is always quickly changing
yatthakamanipatino – and also this citta always like to stay, very attached to the thing. Whatever place it likes, citta want to stay there.
cittassa damatho sadhu – it is better to tame this citta
cittarh dantarh sukhavaham – if someone can tame/control this citta, then that person can attain highest level of happiness

*Verse 35 – The mind is difficult to control; swiftly and lightly, it moves and lands wherever it pleases. It is good to tame the mind, for a well-tamed mind brings happiness.*
(http://web.ukonline.co.uk/buddhism/dmpada2b.htm)

This is one of Jataka during the time of Buddha.

A group of monks got instruction from Buddha to practice meditation. It is a tradition after monk received instruction from Buddha, they don’t stay in the same big temple as the Buddha or others. Because normally when they are staying at big temple, there will lots of people come offering food, asking for advice or listening to Dhamma talk, with that the monks will get distracted and can’t practice meditation. So they would normally go the forest to practice.

So this sixty monks went to Matika village to practise meditation. The village headman’s was named Matika and his mother was named Matikamata. When the mother saw these monks and noticed they are in this village to practice meditation, she prepared little huts/kuti for the monks to practice in the raining season.

After few days, the mother realized that she forgot to invite the monks to come over to her house to have some meals and also forgot to offer them some food. So she went to the kuti with other women to bring some food. She said “I’m sorry, I forgot to offer foods to Bhante”. The monk replied “It’s okay. We ate what we have here, such as the fruits from the tree”.

After seeing the monks, the mother said “before you came as a group, but now stay separately. Why?”. The monk replied “That is the way we practice meditation. We have to stay alone because we are practicing solitude”. The mother then asked some Dhamma instruction on how to practice meditation. After received these instructions, she was practicing the meditation only when she have free time. After practicing she reached the 1st level (Sotapanna). Then again she meditate and reached the 2nd level (Sakadagami) and the 3rd level (Anagami). Then she attained some kind of psychic power in which she can hear sound from far, see things from far and read people’s mind.

After she became Anagami (non-return level), she looked at the monks’ level and no body has reach any level, they still at the lowest level. She think of the reason why they are still putujana (Regular monk)?. She then realized these monks don’t have proper food, so she supply to them. After taking this food, the monks did hard meditation then all monks became Arahat.

At the end of raining season, these monks went back to Buddha’s temple and informed the Buddha about Matikamata. Another regular monk heard about the story and decided to go to the same village too. After he went there, the monk think to himself “This isn’t a suitable place to stay. There is lots of things to clean, it’s dirty”. Matikamata read the monk’s mind and sent group of young people to clean the area. The monk then like it and decided to stay in that kuti.

Later on the monk suddenly think again “I’m thirsty, I need to drink something”. Again Matikamata read the monk’s mind and sent some drinks over to the monk. Next morning, the monk think “It’s difficult to walk for pi??ap?tika?ga (The ‘practice of going for alms’). I should just stay here and tomorrow only go out for some pi??ap?tika?ga , but there’s nothing to eat here now”. Matikamata read the monk’s mind and sent some food for the monk.

Later the monk think “If I have bad thoughts then Matikamata will know about this and I should leave”. He, thus, went back to Buddha’s temple. Buddha asked why he returned so early and the monk said that lady can read his mind. Thus, Buddha said “No, you should go back” and then preached that gatha “Dunniggahassa lahuno yatthakamanipatino, cittassa damatho sadhu, cittarh dantarh sukhavaham”.
After listened to the gatha, that monk reached the 1st level.

First of all, we have to know how our mind works. We are organism in this environment and we have 5 senses. But in Buddha teaching, there are 6 senses. Eyes, ear, nose, tongue, body and mind.

When we see something because of the eyes and the object (Rupa), we got Cakkhu-vinnana (eye-consciousness). When we hear something from sound, we got Sota-vinnana (ear consciousness). When we smell something from the nose and smell, we got Ghana-vinnana(nose consciousness). When we taste something from tongue and taste, we got Jivha-vinnana (tongue consciousness). When we feel something from our body, we got Kaya-vinnana (body consciousness). And last is called Mano-vinnana (mind-consciousness).

Through these 5 senses, the messages go through the brain. Then the brain become active taking these messages and interpret the messages. In Abhidhamma, it’s described that this citta is associating with 1/2 cup of blood in our heart. So you must understand with all these 5 senses, it go through brain and mixed become Mano-vinnana. Through Mano-vinnana we can interpret whether it’s pleasant or not. Sometimes we can get some fear or pleasant. If it’s pleasant, we enjoy and take it. If it’s not pleasant, we want to reject it. If there’s fear, we want to run away from there, become worry, anxiety which called cittavega (emotion).

The Buddha said “if we can control our emotion, we can get highest happiness”. This is how our mind works.

After we get cittavega, if we are angry then we tend to speak bad words. If become more angry, we want to hit/kill someone. After the emotions, there is action part. Some other emotion are greed, hatred, fear, anxiety and worry. Buddha show a method to control this citta. First we have to control the action part, that’s called SILA. That’s why from beginning we always preach and practice sila.

We can control the senses by practicing sila. Buddha said to control it with silla then followed by meditation (samadhi) to control our mind (tranquility), to get rid of the emotion. Through calmness of mind, we can see clearly of this life (Anicca, Dukkha and Anatta). If something is impermanent, we see it as impermanent. If something is suffering, we see as suffering. If something is suffering and impermanent, there is nothing to grab this thing.

You can see, after listening to Dhamma talk, that Matikamata became Anagami (3rd level) but even though those monks practiced a lot they still can’t. The thing is, we have to practice all the time in many lives, not just one life. Buddha himself had to practiced and go through so many lives. If we always train our mind in that way, when we just listen to Dhamma/Buddha’s word even just by bit, we can reach that level too.

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Q&A.
1) HOW TO KNOW WHAT LEVEL ARE WE IN?
You would need kaly?na-mitta. Kaly?na-mitta means a person/people who are showing the right path to you (noble or good friend).
You need a person who know this Buddhism and show you the correct method in meditation.

There are 4 levels, when this 4 level is described by the Buddha, it has 10 defilement to we have to remove. We are in this world because of these 10 defilements (sa?yojana).

To attained 1st level, Sotapanna, that person will have to remove:
- Sakk?ya-di??hi – don’t have idea of this is my body, atta, negative/wrong thoughts.
- Vicikicch? – no doubt about Buddha, Dhamma, Sangha and Sila.
- S?labbata-par?m?sa – no clinging/attachment to rites and rituals.

To attained 2nd level, Sakadagami (once-returner), that person has to reduced:
- K?ma-r?ga – attachment to sensual pleasure.
- Patigha – anger, worry, fear.

To attained 3rd level, Anagami (Never-returner to sensous realms), that person has to removed Kama-raga and Patigha completely.

To attained 4th level, Arahat (no rebirth after death), that person has to remove:
- Ruparaga – desire for form
- Aruparaga – desire to reborn in non-form world / attachment to reborn as Brahma
- Uddhacca – restlessness / uneasiness
- Avijja – ignorance / delusion
- M?na – conceit / pride

(*Note: Bhante has agreed to explain these 10 defilement to us on his next Dhamma Talk due to the lack of time at that time)

There are many wrong way in practicing meditation, e.g. cult, saibaba, etc. A person who reach the 1st level, s/he never practice anyone’s else teaching (wrong way). So by practicing this level, we should know Dhamma too, if you don’t at least you have a teacher/guidance that can explain and guide you.

2) WHAT MEDITATION TO CONTROL VICIKICCHA?
Any meditation. But if s/he always have hatred in her/his heart/mind, s/he should practice metta bhavana. But mostly ?n?p?na-sati (mindfulness on in-and-out-breathing) is the best way.

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Dhammadesana from Bhante Sunim – Topic: Alavaka
March 2nd, 2010

Here is the Dhammadesana (Dhamma talk) given by Bhante Sunim on February 13, 2010 at DhamaCakraTra Vihara. You can also find this article at www.dhammacakratra.org.

Who or what is Alavaka?
Alavaka Yaka. Yakan usually means demon or devil. However, this story is about the time when Buddha went to visit Alavaka. Alavaka didn’t like Buddha because he felt threatened by the presence of Buddha. Thus he said to Buddha “I shall ask you a question, ascetic. If you don’t answer me, I shall either strike down your mind or split your heart, or seize you by the feet and throw you over the Ganges”.

According to Bhante Sunim, Alavaka didn’t mean literally to split Buddha’s head. But he tried to say is that he’s going to distract Buddha’s peaceful mind and make him confuse by his questions.

Here the 4 questions that Alavaka asked Buddha.

Q1) What in this world is the best wealth for a man?

Normally, people will answer money is the best wealth for a man. However, money is not the answer as money can also bring problems to people.

Buddha said Sadha is the best wealth for a man. In Pali, Sadha means faith, believe, or conviction. But we have to remember, Buddha also said don’t have blind faith, but we must have understanding. Sadha in here means faith in Buddha, Dhamma and Sangha.

Sadha has 2 stages:
a) Intention to be and do good things
- It is human nature to have that, but unfortunately our surrounding often distract us for doing good things.
- Doing good in one place/country/culture, may not be good in other place/country/culture.
- Thus it is difficult to define what is doing good.
- In general, doing good is where, when we were born, we were bound and abide to a duty to be a good child to our parents. It’s our duty and obligation, thus when we fulfill this duty we have done good things. Such duty and obligation are the doing good things with no boundary. It is the same in every where.
- If we fulfill our duty and obligation it gives us a little satisfaction and piece of mind to ourselves.
- When we are healthy, we don’t think of it. But once we are sick, then only we reliased and regrets that we didn’t fulfill our duty and obligation as a child to our parents. Thus, we must always act now, so, later on, we won’t regret. Hence, we must always do and fulfill in our full ability.
- We also must have confidence in ourselves to fulfill these duty and obligation.

b) Enrich yourself under Buddha, Dhamma and Sangha
- Even though we always do good things, we often still need to enrich our mind and heart under Buddha, Dhamma and Sangha to ‘refresh’ and ‘remind’ ourselves again on these goodness.

Having sadha is the quality that makes human feel rich and happy, because our mind and body are fulfilled and happy; having money only is not enough.

Q2) What when well practised brings happiness?

It’s not to have nice car, nice house, good job, pretty wife or handsome husband, money, and etc; because even after you have all those, you may not still be happy.

Buddha said to Alavaka “Dhamma. If it is well practise, then it will make you happy”.
It’s not who and what you marry, but it is your attitude towards the person you married that will bring happiness to you.

Dhamma that’s well practised means don’t let your fear, anxiety and suspicion dominate your mind.
You need to always maintain your mind in the same way (from before and presently being married). It’s not easy to do so, thus we must always practised Dhamma to maintain this mindfulness.

So when such distractions come, you must still see that person in innocence way. Don’t judge and hump to conclusion on your spouse directly, must maintain pleasant attitude until proved otherwise or proved that person really do something wrong.

In practise Dhamma, we must see everyone in the same fair way, without judgement or suspicion. We should always keep balance mind in any situation we are in.

For e.g., Christopher Lee (a former Superman actor) once being interviewed after this major accident. He was asked “are you happy?”. He said “yes, I’m very happy”. The interviewer asked “how come?”. Christopher said “at least I still have my brain”.
Thus, it’s our own mind and attitude that makes us happy.

Practising Dhamma is not easy. You must have lots of understanding about your mind, body and attitude to maintain and practise it, without losing your mind. That’s why people always go to Vihara and listen to Dhamma to keep on practising and reminding one-self.

Q3) What indeed is the sweetest of flavours?

Buddha said “Truth is the sweetest of all flavours”.

E.g., when you go to restaurant A, you like the food and you find it’s so delicious. You went on tell your friend that the food at restaurant A is so delicious. But after few months, you went back to the same restaurant and you find it’s not as delicious/tasty as before.

E.g., if your friend tell you that the food at restaurant A is delicious, you can’t ask your friend or other friends to taste it for you. You have to discover it yourself, whether or not the food at restaurant A is indeed delicious.

Thus, we have to experience the truth on our own. Only you can experience and discover it/taste it, not someone else for you.

So what is the truth?
In Christianity, God is their truth. But in Buddhism, it can’t be told. We have to experience and discover it ourselves.

E.g., one day you saw a bird lingering around in the tree at your backyard. You started to give the bird food and water, built shelter and talk to the bird even though the bird didn’t know what you are talking about. However, after few days or after the season has passed, the bird fly away leaving the place behind. Then you start thinking “what have I done wrong? Is it the food? Is it the water?”. But it’s just the nature of the bird to come and go at their own will.

It’s not just bird, but our own friends and family will come and go in our life. It’s the nature of things. So we have to understand everything is for a little time only. All only stay for awhile. Our parents will go too. We will feel so sad once they are gone, but that’s just the nature of things.

So truth is, everyone will definitely experience a little suffering. But with our understanding of the truth, we can go through such suffering because we know it is only our thoughts and feeling, it is only temporary. So we should just enjoy what we have now, don’t cling on it, because the truth is nothing is permanent.

We need to get along with everybody, do some favours for them. But under certain circumstances, our friends will change and go away too. It’s the nature, even ourselves will change too.

We always notice the changes in other people, but never realised or look at ourselves that we, too, are changing all the time too. We only notice other people’s mistakes, but we never look and examine our own mistakes.

In Dhammacakkappavattana Sutta, at the very end, it said “suffering is to be realised”, not just blindly believe it, but we have to realise it in Buddhist way.

You see your own photo from baby until now. You can see that you have changed from baby until adult. You know you have changed, you are changing. But you still live your life. You still brush your teeth, wash your face, wear clothes, go to work, eat, breath, etc.
You still realised the changes but still live with your life. So we must understand it and realised changes do happen, but we should just carry on with it. Not to get stuck there and always think of these changes or mourn about it.

Reading alot of self-help book or any other books is useless if you still don’t know anything about yourself. It’s better to learn and know about yourself first instead of learn about everyone else, but not yourself. There is no point to read so many books on what people are telling you to do, but you still don’t know about yourself. Discover and find out yourself first.

Q4) Living in what way do they say one’s life is best?

Buddha said “Living the wisdom is the best thing”.

Why live wisely? Simply put, if you don’t, you won’t die happily.

If you live ignorantly and do stupid things, when you are dying, you will regret, suffer and keep on apologizing for all your wrong doings.
But when you are understanding and live wisely, you will understand life easier.

The world/life is always changing. One day, someone may like you, but one day s/he will hate you. So you have to keep a balance mind. When they praise/like you, you should not be arrogant about it. When they hate/scold you, don’t be angry too. Just be calm.

In people, there are some goodness and badness in them. If they have good stuff, we focus on it and just forget/ignore their bad parts. Thus, we should only see/focus/think people’s good sides, don’t focus on their bad sides or mistakes.

Don’t increase your expectations on other people. If you keep increasing, you will cloud your mind/judgment, and once it don’t go as what you expect, you will feel disappointed and angry. So it’s better to keep low expectation on other people. Hence, we must live with such wisdom. Then you can live in this world peacefully.

If you always have expectations, you will get emotional all the time.

We must understand, life always changes. So don’t keep emotional stuff and expectations, understanding the world as it is, live in present moment. Thus live wisely in life. So when you die, you won’t feel disappointed.

Lower your expectation, do what you suppose to do, get along with everyone is peaceful way, appreciate each other efforts, don’t simply judge people; then we can all be at peace and can get along with everyone.

Not to think you are the best person among the rest, that’s high ego and will only disappoint your own self.
So we must keep this wise thinking, thus you can live peacefully with everyone else, in your family, spouse, society, organisation and friends.

These questions were asked back in 2500 over years ago, when Buddha Gautama still alive. Back then there was no internet, news, books, library, etc. So you can see, Dhamma is amazing and timeless. Dhamma is about guidance and to be practised in every body lives, day to day lives.

Death can come at anytime, with no warning. If it comes, you cant say no, not the time yet. It’s just the nature of things. Thus, we must always have wise thinking and live wisely, peacefully among other people. Only see good things in other people, not see/focus bad stuff. Just throw away such bad thinking from your mind. So you can live happily all the time and peacefully.

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3 weeks absent
March 2nd, 2010

oh wow…..I’ve realized I’ve not updated my blog for 3 weeks already. Maybe this blog fever has vaporized in me. A friend of mine, Yin Wai, asked why I haven’t write anything on my blog. I’m surprised that anyone in fact reading this blog…hehehe….and she especially asked for more Dhamma topic, which I’m very glad to hear someone is eager to read it. Of coz I have 2 Dhamma topic, it’s actually a Dhammadesana (Dhamma talk) that I heard from 2 different monks that came to our temple.

So now..what have I done for the past 3 weeks? Lets see….

Week 1: The Start of Chinese New Year
- Hub and I had our ‘big’ dinner at home at around 4-6pm coz we were invited to a friend’s house for the BIG finale. Since I’m following mom’s instruction, just like others, I made steam fish (keep the head and tail for the next day), made steam white rice (keep next day too), and fish ball soup (also keep next day).

- Then I made preparation for the glutinous rice ball. This time I made 4 colors since I’ve bought the food coloring.

- On the morning time, we went to Vihara for the usual praying service. Once back home, I rushed to make the Huat Kuih/Kue (not sure on the english name). Not bad, it tasted quite ok but jst bit hard coz I didn’t use Sprite. So after we had our simple ‘big’ dinner, we went to friend’s house for more meals.
- Night time falls, at around 1am, we prayed to Chai Sen Yeh (another of my mama’s tradition). We offered fruits (appel, orange, pineapple, pear and grapes), some candies and that chinese brown cake (that normally you fried it to eat it. It’s sweet, gooey and sticky).

- On Day 1 of CNY, I deep fried that chinese cake for our breakfast, cut each of the fruits, boil that glutinous rice ball and re-heat the huat kue. Also another friend of mine gave me that pineapple cookies (again I dunno the english word for it).
- At around 4pm we went out for big dinner with bunch of friends again. We had buffet Korean BBQ. I think there were around 14 people. The crazy thing is..we were at that restaurant at 6pm and left that place at 10pm. nuts!
- Then we proceeded to one of the friend’s house and chat until 1am. Hub and I were beyond exhaustion coz our sleeping time is normally 10pm max. Hub need to sleep coz he has to work the next day. Poor baby.

Week 2: Chinese New Year Celebration at our Vihara
- So since our temple has small community, especially the committee. Hub and I helped out a lot on the preparation of the CNY celebration in our temple.
- We cut, clean, decorate, and etc. I made hub cut some of the chinese bamboo tree from our garden and bring it our temple. I later decorate it with small small chinese lantern ornaments and some empty red envelope.
- We stick some of the CNY decorations on the wall, ceiling, door, etc. It was fun.

- On the day itself, there were quite a number of people came to celebrate, but not that many unfortunately. But it’s okay. Nevertheless, we had lots of fun and memory.
- And yeah..hub made me write an article about that celebration to post it at the Indonesian Magazine here in LA. That really scares me..but thankfully I managed to write a simple 1 page of it.

Week 3: Normal Week
- On this 3rd week nothing much amazing happen actually.
- Followed hub to office when I’m bored, cook, clean, and as usual went to temple on weekend. Nothing exciting.

Anyway…here are some of the pictures to share.

our little 'big' dinner

our little 'big' dinner

our CNY breakfast

our CNY breakfast

CNY Day 1

CNY Day 1

Some of us went for Korean BBQ

Some of us went for Korean BBQ

The korean bbq

The korean bbq

Chinese Bamboo

Chinese Bamboo

The Altar

The Altar

CNY Celebration at our Temple

CNY Celebration at our Temple

Loving this picture

Loving this picture

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GONG XI FAT CHAI
February 10th, 2010

For all the chinese out there….we all know that Chinese New Year (CNY) is coming, pretty soon. This year, in 2010, year of Tiger, it’s gonna fall on 14 February 2010. What a fantastic day since it also falls on the Valentine’s Day. So I’m pretty sure all restaurants will be fully booked!

How’s everyone celebrating CNY? Since I was born and up till I moved overseas, I’ve always celebrated CNY at my hometown, at my parents’ home and with whole family.

As far as I remember, it hasn’t change much, we always have the same celebration years after years.

A night before CNY, we all called it the 30th night (according to chinese calender) and we would all gather together and have a festive dinner. Festive in a sense, mama will make delicious and scrumptious meals. Papa always like to invite all his close friends that he knows they don’t normally cook at home to celebrate this 30th night.

Mama will prepare some fish, fish-ball, abalone, sea cucumber, pork, shark fin soup, etc. So many meals that often we would have some left over for days after that.

Few years back, I remembered I went home for CNY celebration after many years not celebrating it at home. And I was pretty upset that papa has invited his friends to come over. Coz I’ve been picturing that all of us, the whole immediate family, will sit together at 1 big round table and eat, just us, no one else.

I remembered I sulked like small kid and complaint. Papa then said to me, that I always remember until now “Why don’t we invite others to enjoy what we can have? Why not share this celebration with other people? Not everyone has the same luck and opportunity to always celebrate 30th night at their own home, have wonderful meal and enjoy the gathering with their family. Papa feel pity on them. Papa like to share happiness with everyone, so as long as papa can still do that, papa will always invite them. So why don’t you enjoy it too? We should always share with others just like what Buddha has taught us”.

Gosh….I must say….after papa said that to me, I felt so embarrassed at myself. Here I was, a so called Master degree graduated woman who has lived in few countries before, who’s supposed to have some knowledge and life experiences, but I’m nothing compared to my papa.

Papa was born in small little island that took forever to reach there, he grew up poor without much love from his family and everyone else, took care of ducks, took tough and odd jobs since young, not even finish his Elementary education, flew to far distant island to make a living for his family. He has never live outside than Indonesia, never take any higher education, never travel alone, and yet he is so wise, so experience and extremely kind person.

I was so ashamed that me, as his the most beloved daughter, can’t make him proud at that moment.

Of coz, after that night, we all had the festive gathering and celebration at home, everyone was happy including me. For having ‘knock-down’ by papa, yet another, wisdom words :)

So anyway, normally, on the 1st day of CNY, which is the CNY day itself (the chinese called it the 1st day), our family normally will wake up early. Congratulate parents, siblings, uncle, aunt, cousins and even our maid. Then we will start so busy calling everyone who lives at other places. Talk to each and everyone of them, wish them GONG xI FAT CHAI.

Some wishes can be long, some can be short. Of coz papa-mama can give a good and long wishes in Chinese, while me only said “gong xi fat chai” :p

We would then pray to yeye’s tablet (my grand dad) and other gods at home. Then we would take breakfast together. It’s usually some sweets, they said we start our year with something sweet so for the whole year our life will always be ’sweet’. The sweets can be some baked bread, desserts or even candies.

Then we would take pictures for the whole family, getting red pocket (angpao), and giving angpao. Then we would start our visiting journey.

We starts to go to the eldest in extended family hierarchy, then slowly descends to lower hierarchy. Then to parents’ friends’ houses….based on location.

The funny thing is, since my hometown is so small, all the chinese has always treated the friends like their own family. So they too will visit our houses and others. Often everyone will visit in groups. Big groups. After this person, then we’d say “hey, we’re going to your house next. So better prepare” then that person will rush back home, prepare the house, welcome all guests. Once finish, they will rejoin the group and visit other people’s house.

We, the children, will always play together in group and counts the angpao. If it’s not same amount, we will hunt down that person who hasn’t give us the angpao :p

Then almost in every houses they’d prepare some kind of their special meal/cook. And of coz at each house, there’s always some dried snacks, cookies, sweets, candies and soda.

For the past few years everytime I went home for CNY, I always had stomach ache coz of all the different foods that I ate.

Normally our visiting can only be done after 5 days. On 1st day, we often visited about 12 houses. 2nd day about 6 houses, then the rest is about 1-3 houses.

However, after many years, some of these people has grown richer. As their wallet is getting fatter, their ego, ignorance and stupidity also have grown bigger.

When they were poor, they were so kind to you and really so genuine. But now that they are rich, have their own businesses, they have changed.

All of sudden, they disrespect the elders, those who’s poorer than them, despise cheap stuff, only want things that’s expensive, and always act as if they are so bloody rich and some kind of aristocrat that people have to bow on them. Fool ignorant people!

Ever since then, they stop visiting people houses already and only visit some houses that they feel they need to maintain the relationship with for the sake of their business. I feel pity on such people, on them. Coz they have forgotten their base, their root, the original them.

You can really see what money can do to people. It’s truly sad. I just hope they’d realize before it’s too late.

Anyway, for this year, 2010, I pray and hope for the best for my husband and I, my parents, my brothers and their wives, my grandmas, uncles, aunties, cousins, nephews and nieces, my in laws, and everyone.

I hope by this year my husband and I can find our dream home that suits us and I hope we can fall pregnant this year. A healthy pregnancy, not another miscarriage like last time. I hope my husband’s business will success and flourish. I hope I too can bring in something to the family.

May this year bring happiness to everyone in this world and other world. May this happiness extend to all living being and non living being, exist or not exsit, form or not in form. May everyone live happy, free from suffering and animosity. May everyone always cultivate good karma and reap good karma.

May everyone always be protected by the Tri-Ratna.

Sadhu Sadhu Sadhu

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Happy 1 year Anniversary to us :)
December 22nd, 2009

A year has passed just like that. It’s really fast.

It’s been a year that hub and I got married. Few weeks ago I gasped and told hub “wow….soon it’ll be 1 year. do you realized that?”

It never occurred to me that we’ve been married a year already. I know..for many people 1 year is nothing. It’s brand new, cant beats those that’ve been married for like 10yrs or so.

But for me….it’s an achievement. It’s something for us, no matter how young our marriage life is.

I met hubby in Dec 2007. We decided to get married in a month. We finally had the proposal in Apr 2008, ROM in May 2008 and Wedding ceremony in Dec 2008.

When we got married, I told hub “Do you realized we’ve just met about 1 year ago and now we’re married?”

And now…I told hubby “gosh…we’ve been married for 1 year already and I only know you for 2 years”..hehehe….time flies. really flies.

I’ve been enjoying every moments of being married with hub. He’s a blessing for me. He’s the best husband I could ever ask for. He’s jst the best of the best.

Of coz he has some flaws here and there, but it’s nothing compared to the bliss and happiness he is giving me.

We do have our ups and downs, but mostly ups. We do have some little arguments/disagreements here and there, but never too big and never long.

I guess we just can’t stay mad at each other.

I still remember when people gasped and said “how can you be so sure that he’s the one when you just met him 1 month?”

I can’t really explained how…but I know in my heart and I listened to my intuition that “ya..he is the one. everything fits. my heart, body and mind feel calm, happy and relax when i’m with him. I can be who I really am when i’m with him. I dont have to pretend to be someone else. He really treats and care for me really well. and most importantly, i can feel his love”

So what do I love about hub? Many…

- I love the fact that he loves me, no matter what.
- I love the fact that we have the same religion and view in live.
- I love the fact that he loves his family so much, just like me with my family.
- I love how he smiles and laugh
- I love his small eyes…sometimes too small until I thought he’s sleeping.
- I love how he’s so determined, hard working and never give up to achieve something. And not shy about it.
- I love that he’s a giver, and don’t mind to do something for someone else even if it trouble him. Coz me too sometimes are like that

- I love that his family (esp me) is his priority above his friends and work. He would rather stay home spend his long weekend with me than go out meeting friends.
- I love that try to show some interest in my hobby. I like crafts (knitting, etc) and he’d try to ask me what am I making, how to do it. He doesn’t mind if I ask to buy some wools and needles to knit.

- He would listen to me rattling about knitting/crafting when he has absolute no idea about it. He would give his opinion what pattern is nice when I cant decide which one to go. He would horray with me when I’m done with my knitting project.

- He always said I’m so beautiful no matter what. He always give me little praise here and there, unexpectedly.

- He like to tease me, when I’m stress, busy or doing nothing.

- We always said “I love you” to each other as much as possible.

- We have a routine. In morning when we wake up, when we both woken up, we would give each other a big warm hug for few seconds/minutes, give a quick kiss and said “good morning” with biggg smile.

- If he woke up first and left for work while I’m still sleeping, he’d kiss me first to say he’s living and I’d pat his face to ask him be careful.

- Before sleep, we would definitely kiss each other good night and hold hand. But of coz, few minutes after that we’ll be in our own weird position.

- Before having any meals, we would kiss each other first then start eating.

- I love the fact he doesn’t mind do house work to help me. He won’t mind cooking for me. Cutting fruits for me even when I never ask him to do any of those.

- Sometimes he’d complaint why I dont let him help me do laundry when I dont even need. I love it…it shows he truly love and care for me.

There are so many to write….but most importantly…I love him for who he is. That’s all.

Although sometimes he annoys me, but it’s nothing..really nothing. I’m just truly happy and blessed to have married him.

Hub, thank you for being my husband. Thank you to marry me. And thank you to love me and always be your true self.

Love you always and may we have many more years to come to celebrate (especially with our future children).

May the Tri-Ratna always protect and bless us in our every journey together, forever.

Sadhu…

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Why Christmas?
December 1st, 2009

So how’s your long weekend?

Thanksgiving has finally passed. Black Friday has finally passed too. Then what’s left? Christmas you say?

not too long ago, the stores, streets, shops, tv are all decorated with 4th July theme. Then followed by Halloween. Right after Halloween, in few days time only, they’ve changed it to Thanksgiving.

2 days after Thanksgiving, they changed it dramatically to Christmas spirit. All the houses decorated their house with xmas ornaments, etc.

I wonder why people do that? Is it the tradition here in USA? is it just coz your neighbours are doing it so you don’t want to feel left out? Is it coz you just want to do it?

Some people I asked said “it’s for my kids”. I dont quite understand on that part. What you mean for your kids? Did your kids ask for it? Must you do all your kids asked? So what if you don’t do anything about it?

Growing up, my parents never do any xmas celebration at home. In fact, I never had one. You know..the kind where you put xmas tree at home decorate it with all the ornaments and lights? Putting all the gifts under the tree, eat eggnog (i suppose), sing under the tree, hang mistletoe, etc.

I don’t understand why bother to do all that. But hey..again… I kinna understand it too. It must be the tradition that their parents did it since they were young, their parents’ parents did it, so as their parents.

Just like us, the chinese. We celebrate Chinese New Year. Every year on CNY, my parents will be busy. We would spring clean the house top to bottom. Paint those stain wall. Fix those that need to be fix. Cut your hair, they say to throw away bad luck from last year and to start a fresh new year with new hair (luck).

Mom will be busy cooking since 1 day before the CNY, coz all chinese family will be having family dinner on the night before. Then after midnight, we would do some pray.

Then on the CNY itself, we would get up, dress your best/new clothes that’s mostly in RED. Nowadays people don’t wear red all the time, anything as long as it’s not black.

Then we will start greeting everyone “gong xi fat chai”…and starts calling all family members to wish them.

So I guess..that’s what xmas is like for the non-chinese, especially westerner. It’s like the biggest celebration ever in their life. The mark of new beginning, new promise, the time where all the family will be gathering in 1 place and have a wonderful time once again. The time where all will be forgiven for the sake of love. The time where the wrong can be fixed and turn into the right. The time where you are given a chance to do what’s right before it’s too late.

I guess the Santa figure in xmas is the same with the Chai Sen Ye (the fortune god) in the chinese in CNY. They just need a figurine to excite the kids and parents. To make them believe in something. So everyone will still carry on this tradition year after year.

And so….for those who are celebrating xmas….enjoy this xmas preparation. Don’t just focus on the xmas day itself, but focus and enjoy the whole month. The preparation, wrapping the gifts, cooking, etc. It’s the gathering that need to be enjoyed, so don’t get stress over it.

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1 more day to ThanksGiving
November 25th, 2009

This is my 1st time celebrating ThanksGiving. I wonder what is it for.

I’ve asked 1 person, he claimed it’s originated from the Civil War (not sure abt this) era when the Westerner came to USA and almost can’t survive the cold winter in the East Coast. They were helped by the Indian, the Indian gave them foods, etc.

So to thank the kindness of the Indian after they all survived the cold winter, they arranged a big festive for the Indian and thank them. Hence, Thanks Giving.

Oh well…I think I may do some googlin g for it. Curious myself.

So how are you celebrating your Thanks Giving this year?

On another note, I’ve finally bought my very 1st Double Pointed Needles (DPN). I couldn’t find 5 DPNs thou, that Walmart only had 4 DPNs.

I’ve always put the thought of getting DPN for so long, but after knitted and crocheted way too many scarves and shawl, I finally ready to start knit either socks, hat or gloves.

I did lots of googling on how to use DPN. Finally, after weeks of research, I started mine. I’m knitting a hat first. I think my knit won’t be that good coz I can see there’s some loose joins in between DPNs. Oh well..my 1st time. Hope I can finish it soon.

1st time knit hat using DPNs

You can see from my picture that I’ve just started making the ribbing. Cross my finger real tight that it will works fine.

I got the pattern from Liob Brand website, the product ID is 90303AD.

Happy knitting people…

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What is Dhamma?
November 24th, 2009

Dhamma…the word is so simple yet quite complex.

For many people, Dhamma basically means The teaching of the Lord Buddha. Apparently, Dhamma has other meanings too. This I’ve just heard from Bhante Kolita Dhammadesana on Saturday, Jun 13, 2009.

Dhamma has few meanings, some of it are the Truth, teaching of Buddha, and experience of the Buddha (that he got from attaining Buddhahood).

It is said, a person who lives his life according to the Dhamma is simply called Dhammacitta. It’s funny, I have always like the name CITTA. Hub agreed that if we have a baby girl, we’d name her Citta. It has such a beautiful meaning in Pali.

So anyway, there is this story that a monk called Anurudha, who used to live in the forest thought to himself what kind of person that actually learn Dhamma, and suitable to learn Dhamma?

He came out with 7 types, that later on the Lord Buddha approached him and told him he agreed with his 7 types and the Lord Buddha further added the 8th type on top of his list.

Dhamma is:
1) For a person who has less or few “wanting” desire/feeling, than those who has lots of “wants”.
A simple life is the key. If you have simple life, you have simple demand. Simple demand means lesser desire/kisela, which eventually we would be able to train ourselves, little by little, to stop this kilesa all over for once and hence, hopefully, to stop to be born again in Samsara world.

2) A person who is contented, aka you are happy with what you have right now; and not for those who is always discontented.

Lord Buddha said the typical person who falls into the 1st 2 types are the monk, and they’d have:
- To wear only robe that was used to wrapped a dead body, cut it into certain way and washed it with juices from the tree. Not to take robe from other people or trouble the lay people by asking for it.
- Except food from lay people and put it into their alms bowl. Not to eat from fancy plates. To prevent jealousy and injustice among monks (and lay people).
- Don’t live on expensive house, but live under tree. (To live a simple life)
- They don’t except beautiful nice rug, but only rug that’s made by leaves.
- Monk don’t except medicine, but only those that are made with cow’s urine (there’s a specific method to make this).
*i know that last part is weird eh…*

3) A person who is secluded (like to be alone), not to those who like to be in the crowd.
Buddha said when a person lives alone, he’ll protect his words. But if a person lives with other people, he will tend to talk a lot about that other people, talk about other people’s ill aka gossip.

Gossip or idle chatting isn’t encouraged by the Buddha, in fact it’s considered one of the sila that we, the buddhist, should abide by. It’s consider bad kamma to idle chat, gossip.

This 3rd type basically means, a person need inner peace and calmness to achieve enlightenment. This Dhamma and enlightenment journey is not for those who likes to seek companion on the outside, like to be in the crowd, to only chat non stop, partying non stop. Those outside companion wont bring you inner piece and calmness. Only you, yourself, can make yourself calm and be at peace.

4) For energetic person
It means, we have to always guard our senses.
If we have wrong thinking, speaking and action, we have to get rid of it. And replace those with right thinking, speaking and action. This is called viriya. Viriya is one of the ten paramis (the ten perfection).

Dhamma is not for a lazy person. Not for those who are lazy and refuse to improve/remove their negative thoughts, words, and actions. Any lay people or monk can also be lazy. Doesn’t mean you are a monk then you won’t be lazy. NO wayy…

A monk is still a human being, they still make mistakes. So, if the monk get lazy, they should reliased it and improve their negative & wrong thinking, speaking and actions. So as we, the lay people.

5) Person who keeps their awareness in themselves.
As regular people, we always pay attention to outside thing. Buddha asked us to practice and keep attention on our inside, not outside. To observe how our mind works:
- On our body
- On our feeling
- On our emotion, and
- On the Dhamma

The Lord Buddha always emphasised on this:
Thinking is thinking,
Seeing is seeing,
Touching is touching,
Speaking is speaking,
Doing is doing,
Eating is eating

In other words, this simply means, don’t think of other stuff when you are talking, thinking, touching something or even doing something. You should always be aware with what you are doing, even as simple as just drinking water, cooking, walking or running. Mindfulness.

We, as regular people, always like to think so much. Our mind always like to ‘run’ around and so busy thinking of useless stuff. Hence, we should practice this awareness to train our mind to always be focus.

6) Is for those who wants to practice tranquility in their life; it’s not for those who have agitated mind.
When we practice our mind (Sati), our mind would become calm, thus called tranquility mind.

There are 5 hindrances that we should practice to reach that tranquility mind:
- Desire for sensual pleasure (the 5 senses: see, smell, feel, taste, and hear). Eg, if you always watch tv and don’t study, how can you get a good grade?
- Angry thoughts
- No energy to practice Dhamma, always lazy
- No calming mind, instead the mind is always jumping around
- Always have regret feeling of the past actions
- Doubt of the Dhamma and Buddha (Buddhahood), in other words you prefer partying, gossiping, fooling around than practicing Dhamma.

Basically, the Lord Buddha emphasising that we shouldn’t have too much thinking and judgment on anything. If the food is not tasty, you should still eat it with no complaint. If it is tasty, you should still eat it normally.

If someone praise you, you shouldn’t be big headed and arrogant, just be normal. If they curse or criticize you, you should also be normal, no harm feeling or get angry.

Be neutral.

7) For those who are wise, aka understand the reality of life
Simply means, thing in this world is not permanent. Everything in this world is impermanence, anicca.

So don’t hold on things, be it good or bad, because that too will go away one day. Thus, we should practice and generate wisdom. That nothing is permanent.

8) For those who don’t categorize everything in their life
Most people always categorize thing in their life, anything. When we touch, smell, sense or taste anything, we would categorize it. Like, when you eat banana, you’d say “Oh it’s a nice sweet banana”, when you watch tv you’d think “I’m watching tv”.

The Lord Buddha encouraged us to stop categorizing things in the world. Coz if we always categorize things, we tend to create desire.

If we know that banana is sweet, we want for more. If we know watching tv is fun, we want to have more of it. Then, it will be harder and harder for us to stop this desire feeling in our life, or kilesa. Since kileas is actually the biggest culprit that causes us to be born again and again in this Samsara life.

……………………………….

Alrighty, that’s the summary of what Bhante Kolita gave us on Jun 13, 2009. I hope this too will give some insight to your life :)

I know..Dhamma is not easy to understand, but I always believe in this simple mantra:

No to do any evil,
To cultivate good (Do good kamma),
To purify one’s mind,
This’s the teaching of Buddhas

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